Hopelessly Devoted
by CrimsonIce
Summary: Patrick cheated on Kat. That was three years ago. Now shes coming home from Sarah Lawrence. Will they get back to where they used to be? Please r&r, this is my first posted fic, and i really like feedback! thanx!
1. Patrick

He stared hopelessly at the brown shoe box sitting on the closet's top shelf. It was covered with clothes and papers; it was hardly ever opened. The memories inside poured out and filled Patricks head. Three years was a long time, an eternity even. He sat silently in his grey room, the walls plastered in posters and pictures. His mind tossed around thought after thought... *Why did I do it?* *What was I thinking?* The week before Kat had left for Sarah Lawrence, he cheated. He had broken her heart, shattered her world. The trust they had was taken away in meerly seconds. What he had done was unforgiveable.   
  
Patrick rose to his feet, and reached for the brown shoe box. He missed her so much. Three years and not a single word. He was broken inside. He had retracted into a long period of silence and thought when she left. Finally, now, he knew what he wanted. He wanted her.   
  
He slid the lid off the top of the box, dust scattering everywhere. Patrick emptied its contents onto the king-sized bed and and overlooked them for the first time in a year. The memories all flooded back to him. The images, the smells, the good days. He thought about her all the time, not a day passed where he didn't. He wondered if she thought of him. His thoughts made him shudder. He wanted her to be happy, he did, be he wanted to be the one to make her that way. He knew he couldn't. How could he after what he had done?   
  
He stared at the pictures, cards and gifts. The memories of her. There on his bed, he saw her, everything he ever loved about her. He saw her smile, her words, her thoughts. She completed him. He picked up a bright yellow card, the front made into a happy face. He smiled. Patrick opened the card. The inside was covered in blue pen. He admired the writing, every line, every curve. There in front of him, Kat's feelings summarized into soft, loving words. He wished he could hear them all over again. Hear her say them. Eventually he worked up the courage to read it.   
  
Patrick,   
  
From they day this all started, I knew you were special.   
I knew you would be there for me, I knew you cared.   
I could sense it. Now, your once unrequited feelings are   
in fact very much requited. The last few months have   
been the best months of my life. Being near you, being   
able to hold you, is the most comforting thing. This is   
the first time I've ever felt this way before. I'm not   
usually one to express my emotions this freely, you know   
that better than anyone. I don't like to do what people   
would expect. This time, I don't care. I am doing what   
I feel, because the truth is that I want anyone and   
everyone to know how I feel. I love you Patrick Verona.   
  
Yours Always,   
Kat   
  
He sat staring at the words. He must have read them over a million times. He fought back his tears. He couldn't cry over this. It had been so long. She didn't feel this way anymore, and she probably didn't expect him to either. The fact of the matter was that he did. He always would. 


	2. Kat

Kat stood numbly, in the centre of her once humble little dorm room. The bunk and desk now completely cleared. There were no pictures to be seen, no personal touches left. After today it would go back to just being room 207. She frowned slightly. How could it all be over? She had been there for over three years, but she couln't help feeling like everything was only just beginning. Her life, her old life, had to come to an end. She was headed off into the world. A world of love and hate. Trust and betrayal. Somehow, it all seemed so familiar.  
  
Kat picked her blue duffle bag up off the floor, and swung it over her right shoulder. She was gonna miss this place. It was home to her now. She didn't even want to think about what it would be like back at her fathers. His constant nagging, Bianca Bianca Bianca, and worst of all Patrick. She didn't know what to feel anymore. She knew it was wrong to still love him. After all he probably didn't love her either. She thought of what he might be doing. It brought tears to her eyes. It wasn't supposed to end that way. Not for them, not for anyone.  
  
She fought back her tears, and walked slowly towards the door, dragging her feet as she went. The duffle bag was as big as her. She turned and took one last look at her now bare room. That was it. For her, everything was about to change. No more alone time, no more wallowing. She had had plenty of time for that before. Now she had to go back home and face her fears. The fear of rejection, the fear of having been cast aside. What was she thinking? She didn't want him anymore. Look at what he had done to her. He had torn her apart, ripped her heart into shreads. Who was to say he wouldn't do it again? She hated herself lately. Why wasn't she good enough?  
  
Kat walked through the hall, her head down the entire time. She couldn't let anyone see her tears. She never cried. At least thats what everyone thought. Like always, she had led everyone to believe that she was tough. The tough girl who never shed a tear. On the outside for sure she seemed that way, but deep down she was a wreck. She felt hopeless. It was wrong for her to still think of Patrick, she knew it was, but something told her to hold out for him. He would come around eventually. He had to.  
  
She couldn't help but wonder if he knew she was coming home. If he would be there when she got off the plane. If he would be there when she needed him most. She thought about calling, but that would make her seem too anxious. She wanted him to think she didn't care. She wanted him to think she hated him, that she had never and would never forgive him. Most of all she just wanted him. The old Patrick. The Patrick who fell in love with her, and stayed in love with her. It was wishful thinking. She knew nothing like that could ever happen. Not to her. That's what happened in fairy tales. 


	3. Blurred

She glanced out the small window of the now landing airliner. He gazed out the bay window of his room. It was hard to believe they were staring at the same city. It was hard to believe they were in the same city. Without knowing it, somehow they had been brought back together.   
The old them. The Patrick and Kat everyone knew. The Patrick and Kat they both wanted to know. Now it was up to them to find each other. To find their way back.  
  
The rain drizzled down the window pane. Drop after drop, they all seemed to blend together. Everything became a blur. Life, his life, was different now. He had no faith, no will. There was nothing for him to wake up to in the morning. No one to say goodnight to at night.   
He had lost all hope in everything. In everyone. Patrick blamed himself. He knew it was all his fault. What would have happened had he not been so selfish? It was her he wanted. He knew that now. He knew that then. Why couldn't he realise it?  
  
A pen and paper found their way to his hands. It had gone on long enough. A man didn't do this. He didn't do this. He had wallowed sufficiently. It was time to let go, time to move on. She had, of course she had. Now it was his turn.  
  
*Long ago you comforted me  
An eternity has passed since then...  
Long ago you wanted me  
I was blind...  
Long ago you trusted me  
I didn't trust myself...  
Long ago you let go of me  
My heart will hold you forever.   
Long ago you gave up on me  
Today I give up on you.*  
  
The words formed themselves almost instantly. The pen glided with the paper, the letters fitting perfectly with the lines. He re-read his words. Did he really mean what he wrote? He couldn't. Not after everything he'd been through. Not after them. How could he just pick up and walk away? Drop everything and run? He couldn't. He wasn't that strong. He knew he wasn't.   
  
Patrick crumpled the paper and discarded it. His words now lining the waste basket. He needed some air. Something, anything. He had to clear his head. His mind was crowded and overflowing with thoughts, and words. Pictures and memories. He couldn't live like this anymore.   
He needed out.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	4. Home

She pulled the small silver Toyota into the driveway of her father's house. A sigh of relief escaped her. Nobody was home. That's what she had expected. That's what she wanted. To be alone again, or at least left alone. Her father would bother her wanting to know how everything had went. She and Bianca would go back to their normal sister rivalries. Kat didn't need that. Not now. Not after the last three years. She wanted to see him. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms again. He was there. He had to be. She wondered if he had waited for her. Did he know she was back? He probably didn't care.  
  
Her bags dropped onto the tiled floor. Several boxes scattered the hallway. She couldn't drag everything upstairs. She couldn't see that room. Not right away. The walls remained plastered in memories. The good memories, from the better days. She wanted those days back. She had had better days. Kat needed something to set her head straight. She needed to get away from it all for a while. She pondered deeply. What could she do? What would make her happy? She needed something to numb the pain. A drink. The Skunk... 


End file.
